Finding Your Voice

Over the past few weeks, we’ve uncovered the many disguises of emotional unavailability. One aspect that often flies under the radar is the struggle to find our voice. It’s not always obvious, but the ability to speak up - whether for ourselves or others - it isn't always easy but can make a big difference.

I was reading an article earlier this week that reminded me of an experience I had several years ago working in the corporate world.  The article was bang on what I was feeling at the time.

I was in a meeting, confidently giving what I thought was the "right" answer—until something inside me shifted. I realized I was speaking in a voice that didn’t quite feel like mine. You know that feeling? When the words coming out are polished and perfectly acceptable, but deep down, something feels… off?

That’s when it hit me. I had slipped into a role I had perfected over the years—the achiever, the people-pleaser, the one who always knew exactly what others wanted to hear. It was almost second nature. But what fascinated me most was that the moment I became aware of this, I could hear another voice inside—quieter, more real, saying something completely different.

And that got me thinking: how many of us walk around with our true selves hidden behind carefully constructed versions of who we think we need to be?

Think about it. When was the last time you said something because you genuinely meant it, not because it was expected? When did you last make a choice that surprised even you because it came from that deep, authentic place inside?

When I was little, I learned to read rooms perfectly. To sense what others wanted before they even knew they wanted it. To shape-shift into exactly who everyone needed me to be. It worked. It kept me safe. Got me promoted. Built relationships and made me successful.

Until it didn't.

What protects you in one chapter of life can trap you in the next. The same ability to meet others' needs - started to drown out my own voice. The talent for anticipating what others wanted? Left me unable to know what I wanted. The skill at being what others needed? Made me forget who I actually was.

Whether it's people-pleasing, perfectionism, control or something else entirely, it probably served you perfectly at some point. It got you where you are. But now, it might be the very thing holding you back.

It’s so easy to default to the version of ourselves that we’ve been rewarded for—the responsible one, the agreeable one, the high achiever, the fixer. We learn early on which parts of us get the nod of approval and which ones are better kept quiet. But here’s the thing: our authentic self isn’t something we have to create, fix, or improve. It’s already there, just waiting for us to notice it. When we start listening to that real voice inside, something shifts. Decisions become clearer. Choices become simpler. Not because they’re easy, but because they’re true.

Our most convincing excuses often come diguised as wisdom - "better safe than sorry", "don't rock the boat", "stick to what works". These strategies that once served us can begin to limit us.

We need to stop overanalyzing every response, trying to shape it to fit what we think will be most accepted. We stop second-guessing if we’re saying the right thing, doing the right thing, being the right kind of person. Instead, we just are. And that kind of freedom? It’s priceless.

You might be wondering: What has my true self been trying to tell me all this time?

Maybe it’s been nudging you toward a career change, a creative pursuit, or a boundary you need to set. Maybe it’s been whispering that you’re exhausted from trying to be everything for everyone. Maybe it’s been urging you to finally speak up in a way you never have before.

Whatever it was, once I started tuning in, I was surprised by what unfolded.

Even now, I find myself occasionally slipping into those old habits of pleasing and performing. It’s not always easy to break free from years of conditioning. There are moments when I catch myself editing my thoughts before I speak, worrying about how they’ll land. But the difference is, I notice it now. And that awareness is powerful. It gives me a choice—to continue the old script or to step into something more real.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

And he wasn’t wrong. We navigate countless roles every day—colleague, parent, friend, spouse, leader. Each comes with its own set of expectations. But authenticity means stepping out of those rehearsed responses and autopilot behaviors.

This week, start paying attention. Notice when you’re defaulting to what’s expected rather than what’s real. Tune in to that quiet voice inside—the one that isn’t performing, proving, or people-pleasing. Your genuine voice might just surprise you.

And as you listen, ask yourself: Which stories have I been telling myself that aren’t even mine?

Because once you start shining a light on the difference between your authentic voice and the narratives you’ve inherited, you can finally begin to define you. What becomes possible when you finally put down the weight of being everything to everyone. That’s where the real magic happens.