The Stories We Tell Ourselves
- Dec 5, 2025
- 4 min read
It hit me the other day - somewhere between making lunch, answering a text, and trying to remember where I left my glasses (spoiler: on my head). I suddenly caught myself tuning in to the running commentary in my mind. And let’s be honest… that voice can be a bit of a jerk.
You know the one. The voice that pops up the moment you catch your reflection in the mirror and says something like, “Well… you look how I feel.”
If that inner voice were a real person, it wouldn’t make the guest list at any of our family dinners.
But here’s the truth that stopped me in my tracks:That voice talks to me more than anyone else in my life - more than my husband, my kids, the people I care for, or even the random cashier who always wants to chat while I’m trying to pay for grapes. And if that voice has a front-row seat to my life, shouldn’t it at least pretend to be supportive?
The Voice That Gets the Final Vote
Women - especially moms and caregivers - are experts at lifting other people up. We can talk a child through a meltdown, cheer a friend through heartbreak, or advocate for our loved one like it’s our full-time job. (Because for some of us, it pretty much is.)
But when it comes to how we speak to ourselves?
Suddenly we become our own harshest critic. Zero compassion. Zero patience. Not a single break.
We tell ourselves things like:
“This is just who I am now.”
“Everyone else handles things better.”
“I should have it together by now.”
And honestly? We’ve repeated those lines so often they feel like cold, hard facts. Like the Canadian winter - just assumed to be part of life.
Funny enough, research actually shows that the brain believes whatever story it hears most often. So, if our inner dialogue sounds like a cranky narrator… our brains just shrug and say, “Okay then, I guess this is our reality now.”
The Stories We Outgrow
As women, especially once we hit that beautiful, wiser 50+ chapter, life asks us to evolve in ways we didn’t see coming.
We’ve raised the kids - or we’re still raising them. We’ve juggled caregiving, careers, health concerns, aging parents, paperwork, doctors, schedules, crises, and the emotional weight of being “the glue.”
All while forgetting to sit down half the time.
And with every role we’ve taken on, we’ve carried stories about who we are:
The strong one
The reliable one
The one who holds everything together
The one who doesn’t complain
The one who figures it out
These roles served us once. But there comes a moment - somewhere between “still young” and “old enough to know better” - when we realize the story we’ve been telling ourselves no longer matches who we’re becoming.
We’re allowed to change. We’re allowed to want something new. We’re allowed to stop being everything for everyone.
And yes - we’re allowed to speak to ourselves with the same compassion we’ve spent decades giving away.
A Simple Exercise That Can Shift Everything
Here’s something I tried recently that surprised me - in a good way.
I made two quick lists.
On the first list, I wrote the lines I’ve been repeating in my head out of habit - the ones that feel true only because they’ve been around forever.
On the second list, I rewrote one of them in a kinder, more realistic way.
One story. That’s it. No full reinvention. No perfection. Just one shift.
It looked something like this:
Old line: “I need to be the strong one.”
New line: “I’m strong enough to ask for help.”
Old line: “I don’t have time to take care of myself.”
New line: “Five minutes counts - and I deserve that.”
Old line: “This is just how things are.”
New line: “Things can change, and so can I.”
Old line: “Everyone else comes first.”
New line: “I’m allowed to be on my own list.”
It was such a small exercise, but something shifted. Almost like cracking open a window in a room I didn’t realize was stuffy.
Rewrite One Line, and Watch What Opens Up
As caregivers, mothers, and women 50+ who’ve lived more life than we ever give ourselves credit for, we’re not stuck with the old stories we internalized years ago.
We’ve earned the right to rewrite.
We get to:
Redefine what strength looks like
Let go of outdated identities
Release the guilt that never belonged to us
And speak to ourselves with the softness we extend to everyone else
And no - you don’t need a massive transformation. You don’t need to reinvent your entire life. You don’t need a 50-page plan.
Just pick one belief that feels heavy…and lighten it with a new line that feels a little more true today.
Start there. Start small. Start with something that feels possible.
Because the voice you hear all day long - the one walking with you through caregiving, motherhood, aging, and all the beautiful, messy chapters that make up this season of life - should sound like someone who wants you to win.
The most loyal cheerleader you’ll ever meet is already with you.
You just have to let her speak.
