Last week was about childhood memories. This week I wanted to delve into another part of childhood.
When we hear the word "trauma," many of us picture a dramatic, life-altering event. But childhood trauma doesn’t always come from just one big moment. Sometimes, it sneaks in quietly, building up over time, and can deeply impact how we live as adults.
I heard a podcast recently on the topic of childhood PTSD, and something about it struck a deep chord. It made me think about the quiet, almost invisible ways childhood experiences shape who we become.
Before diving in, I want to reassure you—this isn’t about casting a dark cloud over our pasts or focusing on pain. Instead, it’s about understanding those subtle experiences that might be shaping our reactions, choices, and feelings today. By shedding light on these quiet influences, we can gain a new perspective and, hopefully, start making sense of the things we sometimes carry without even realizing it. It’s not about dwelling on the shadows but rather about finding clarity and peace as we explore what’s underneath.
Trauma doesn’t always look like what we expect; as mentioned above, it sneaks in - it can be subtle, woven into small, everyday moments that pass without much notice. These experiences might not seem significant at the time, yet they can leave a lasting impact. Understanding this hidden side of trauma opens up a whole new way of thinking about our past and how it influences our present.
It’s a perspective worth exploring, not just to understand ourselves but to recognize and heal what may lie beneath the surface.
While major events like losing a loved one, being in an accident, or experiencing physical abuse are forms of trauma, there are more subtle yet equally harmful experiences.

Growing up in an environment where you constantly felt neglected, moved around frequently, were bullied, lived in poverty, or dealt with your parents' divorce can all contribute to something called Childhood PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). These moments may not have seemed huge at the time, but they can leave lasting scars that shape the way you think, feel, and act.
Many of us expect trauma to look a certain way because of what we see in movies or TV shows—people having intense emotional breakdowns, making poor choices, or always ending up in the wrong relationships. And while those are definitely ways that trauma can show up, there’s more to the story.
Childhood trauma can silently alter the way your brain functions, making it difficult to focus, process emotions, and think clearly when you’re under stress.
It's interesting how families influence our development and perspectives, the following information naturally deepens the focus by zooming in on the specific, often painful, dynamics of unhealed wounds passed through generations.
Growing up, some of us may have experienced the subtle yet painful impact of relatives who unintentionally passed down their own unhealed wounds. Perhaps it was an aunt or uncle who seemed to lash out over small things, using harsh words or dismissive comments that cut deeper than they intended. Maybe a grandparent, shaped by the hardships of their own upbringing, carried a cold, rigid demeanour, creating a sense of walking on eggshells whenever they were around.
For some, it could have been a parent who bore the weight of their unresolved childhood trauma, projecting their frustrations onto their children. They may have been quick to criticize, turning minor mistakes into major grievances, or held impossibly high expectations that left you feeling like you could never measure up. These cycles of frustration and hurt often weren’t born out of malice but rather a lack of tools to process their own pain—and yet, the impact on children could be profound.
Such experiences teach us to expect unpredictability in relationships, and we may grow up overly attuned to others’ emotions, constantly scanning for signs of tension. Without realizing it, we inherit their patterns—whether through repeating them or reacting so strongly against them that we struggle to find balance.
Breaking these cycles requires understanding where they began. It’s not about blame but about recognizing that, often, those who hurt us were once hurt themselves. Acknowledging this can be the first step toward releasing the grip of those old wounds, ensuring they don’t continue to echo in our own relationships. It allows us to rewrite the narrative and offer ourselves and future generations the kindness, patience, and understanding we might not have always received.
It’s crucial to understand how these cycles of hurt are passed down so we can approach solutions with empathy, not judgment.
Sometimes, the impact doesn’t come from the big, obvious moments but from the small, everyday interactions that quietly linger in our minds. Maybe it was a relative who teased you about your weight or appearance, brushing off their hurtful comments as “just jokes.” Or you might have been the “quiet one” in a loud family, often overlooked or dismissed when you tried to speak up. Perhaps you were constantly compared to a sibling or cousin, feeling like no matter what you did, you never quite measured up. Even overhearing arguments about money or frustrations with parenting could leave a child feeling insecure or like they were somehow a burden.
These moments may not have seemed significant at the time, but they have a way of shaping how we see ourselves and our place in the world. Long into adulthood, they can leave us second-guessing our worth without even realizing why.
Childhood trauma leaves a lasting mark. For some, it leads to anxiety or depression that feels impossible to shake, making everyday decisions overwhelming.
Subtle Signs
Subtle, long-term experiences often shape us without us even realizing it. Looking back at my own life, I can see how this played out.
My parents divorced when I was quite young, and while we found some stability living with my grandparents for a time, it wasn’t long before we were on the move again. I attended four different elementary schools before finally settling into one high school. At the time, divorce wasn’t as common, and most of the kids I knew came from intact families. It left me feeling like an outsider more often than not.
The constant changes over the years left me struggling with people-pleasing, often holding on to toxic friendships and relationships out of fear of being alone.
I didn’t realize it back then, but that lonely feeling—being surrounded by people yet still feeling alone—followed me into adulthood. This isn’t about pointing fingers; and I genuinely believe everything happens for a reason. Our experiences, the good and the hard, shape who we become. However, growing up with a single mom and constantly moving around definitely left its mark on how it took me years to fully understand just how much those early years influenced the way I handled friendships and relationships later on.
Thankfully, I’ve done the inner work. I’ve made peace with my past, and those feelings no longer weigh me down. Today, I cherish the connections I have and live with a sense of security and contentment that I didn’t have before and until not long ago, didn't know why. It took time, reflection, and effort, but I’ve learned to rewrite my narrative, and for that, I’m grateful.
Most people have experienced some form of childhood trauma, even if it doesn’t seem obvious. It could be moving around a lot, like I did, or growing up in a home where there was constant fighting.
Surprisingly, for many children, a deep sense of pain comes from a lack of love and affection. I personally can't imagine this. Although we moved around a lot and I didn't see my father as often as I would have liked, there was always lots of love in our home.
The absence of love and affection for some children can feel just as hurtful as being neglected. When a child doesn’t receive hugs, kind words, or the feeling that they are valued, it creates a void in their heart.
Without emotional support, children might feel invisible or unimportant. They may grow up thinking that they are not worthy of love, which can affect their self-esteem. When kids don’t hear, “I love you” or “I’m proud of you,” they may start to believe those feelings aren’t meant for them.
This lack of nurturing can also make it hard for them to trust others as they grow up. If they didn’t receive love from their family, they might find it difficult to form close relationships with friends or partners later in life.

Children who have experienced this type of trauma often develop a defensive stance in conversations, reacting with heightened sensitivity to perceived threats, even when none exist. This hyper-vigilance stems from a survival instinct, making them quick to interpret neutral comments as criticisms or attacks. They may find themselves triggered easily, responding defensively to everyday interactions, which can create a barrier between them and others.
The absence of nurturing during their formative years can lead to deep-seated insecurities, making it difficult for them to trust those around them. While they crave close relationships, their fear of abandonment often leads them to push people away.
This inner struggle makes them feel alone and isolated. They have to face a world that seems unkind and unwelcoming, where their desire for connection feels impossible to reach.
Overall, the lack of emotional warmth and support in childhood leaves scars, profoundly influencing how these individuals perceive themselves and interact with others throughout their lives.
It’s crucial to recognize the importance of emotional warmth and support during childhood, this is one of the most important responsibilities as a parent - it helps build a strong foundation for a healthy future.
Other examples of trauma might be bullying, the stress of poverty, or losing a loved one at a young age. These experiences, big or small, shape how we handle relationships, stress, and life as adults.
On the flip side, knowing this and acknowledging mistakes as a parent can be a huge step.
There are times when I catch myself thinking about the ways my husband and I have unintentionally passed down some not-so-great traits. One thing that stands out is how we argued in front of the kids more than I’d like to admit. At the time, it felt like we were just working through our frustrations, but looking back, I can see how those moments most likely left an impression. Kids are like little sponges, soaking up more than we realize, and hearing arguments can make them feel unsure or even responsible for things that have nothing to do with them. I’ve seen how it shaped their reactions to conflict—sometimes they avoid it completely, or other times they mimic the way we handled things.
It’s not a great feeling, and while we’re still working on it in the heat of the moment, it’s a reminder to keep trying and to realize that relationships are a constant work in progress, not perfect.
As far as childhood trauma goes -if you’ve ever struggled with either of the following, it could be a sign that it is still affecting you:
People-pleasing: You may go out of your way to avoid conflict, often putting other people’s needs ahead of your own.
Staying in negative relationships: If you’ve ever stayed in a toxic relationship out of fear of being alone, this may be a lingering effect of childhood trauma.
There are other signs however, if either of these samples resonate, it could very well be a nudge for some reflection. Many people live with the effects of trauma without even realizing it.
In Canada, it's estimated that 1 in 3 Canadians have experienced some form of childhood trauma. Whether it's emotional, physical, or psychological, the impact of trauma on mental and physical health is well-documented.
For example, research has found that children who go through tough experiences are more likely to have long-term health problems, mental health issues, and problems with drugs or alcohol when they grow up.
According to the Canadian Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), trauma during childhood can increase the risk of developing anxiety disorders, depression, and PTSD as an adult. What's important to note is that even experiences that may seem "small" or "normal" in a child's life—such as moving homes frequently or dealing with a difficult family dynamic—can have long-term consequences.
One of the reasons why trauma sticks with us is because of how it changes our brains. When a child experiences stress, their brain’s development is affected. Certain parts of the brain that control fear, emotions, and decision-making can be "rewired" to stay on high alert, even when there’s no real danger. This makes it hard to relax, trust others, or feel safe in relationships.

For instance, the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for our fight-or-flight response, can
become overactive in people who’ve experienced trauma. This means that even minor stresses can feel like life-or-death situations, leading to panic attacks, emotional outbursts, or feeling frozen in fear.
On top of that, childhood trauma can make it difficult to form healthy relationships, because the part of your brain that helps you bond with others can be weakened. This can lead to trouble trusting people, staying in unhealthy relationships, or feeling isolated.
How to Recognize the Signs
If any of this sounds familiar, it’s natural to wonder, “What now?” The good news is that healing from childhood trauma is possible, and it doesn’t have to mean revisiting painful memories or dwelling on the past.
There are steps you can take to recognize the signs of trauma in your life without reopening old wounds. Experts like Anna Runkle, who speaks on trauma recovery, suggests focusing on calming your emotional triggers.
The key is to notice when your body or mind is reacting in a way that doesn’t feel right—whether it’s an emotional outburst, a desire to please others, or the urge to avoid difficult conversations—and learn how to respond differently.
Runkle suggests simple practices, such as:
Breathing exercises: Deep breathing helps calm your nervous system and brings you back to the present moment when emotions feel overwhelming.
Grounding techniques: These exercises involve reconnecting with your senses—like feeling the ground under your feet or holding an object in your hand—to bring you back into your body when stress or fear takes over.
Challenging negative thoughts: Sometimes, trauma leaves us with a pattern of negative thinking that can be hard to break. Start paying attention to inner dialogue and ask yourself if the thought is helping or hurting.
Small daily wins: Recognizing and celebrating even small achievements helps to slowly rebuild a sense of control and self-worth.
Breaking Free
Healing from childhood trauma isn’t an overnight process, but there is a way forward. It starts by recognizing that you don’t have to live with the symptoms of trauma forever. By learning new ways to respond to emotional triggers and gently reshaping your thinking, you can begin to reclaim your life.
If you've ever felt stuck, messy, or like you're repeating the same mistakes, know that it's not because you've failed. These feelings come from experiences you had when you were too young to understand them. Now, as an adult, you can make new choices, learn better ways to cope, and move toward a happier, healthier life.
By seeing trauma differently and realizing it’s not always about big events but also small, ongoing experiences, we can begin to heal. It’s never too late to overcome the effects of childhood trauma and live the life you deserve.
Fun Fact:

The human brain has something called neuro plasticity. This means that even if trauma has altered how your brain works, it can still change for the better!
With practice and the right support, your brain can rewire itself, helping you recover from childhood trauma and build healthier patterns moving forward.
If you’re finding that the impact of childhood trauma feels overwhelming or more complex than just basic challenges, it’s important to seek professional help. This blog offers general guidance and personal insights, but it’s not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. A qualified mental health professional can provide the personalized support and treatment needed to help you navigate deeper emotional wounds. Remember, there’s no shame in reaching out for help when you need it—it’s a courageous step toward healing.
Know that childhood trauma doesn’t have to shape who you are. With patience, kindness to yourself, and the right support, healing is possible, and you can live a happy life. Start by noticing the signs, calming your emotions, and taking small steps each day toward a better future.
It's time to take back control and live life your way.
There’s always a way to move forward.
