Do you ever find yourself gazing across the fence, wondering if the grass is truly greener on the other side?
It's a common human tendency to compare our lives to others', often leading to a sense of dissatisfaction or longing for something different. But is this belief always accurate, or is it just a mirage?
Here’s a closer look at the pros and cons of thinking the grass is greener on the other side.
Pros:
One of the positive aspects of thinking the grass is greener elsewhere is that it can motivate us to strive for better things. Whether it's a better job, relationship, or lifestyle, it can push us to set goals and work towards achieving them.
The belief that there's something better can inspire us to find new opportunities and experiences. It encourages personal growth and development to step out of our comfort zones.
Comparing ourselves to others can sometimes make us realize the value of what we already do have. It's a moment to appreciate our own grass.
Cons:
Sometimes the grass appears greener because we only see the surface level and not the challenges or imperfections that lie beneath. This leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointment when reality fails to meet our fantasies.
The comedian Bob Hope once said: "The grass is always greener over the septic tank." Sometimes, what appears better from a distance may not be so appealing up close.
Believing that something better awaits us can cause a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. We can’t appreciate or enjoy the present because our focus is always on what we don't have.
While searching for greener pastures, we could overlook the opportunities right in front of us. Tunnel vision prevents us from seeing and appreciating the beauty and potential of our current circumstances.
I really love the idea that you don’t have to go anywhere to make things better; you just have to put effort into making things better where you are.
It's so easy to look at a situation from the outside and think, “that person has it better,” and the only solution is to move in the same direction and try to achieve or get what they have. But the truth is, their success is likely a result of their actions, not simply because they are in a different place.
I know I’ve done that before when I was working. For example, I’ve attributed the success of other companies to better circumstances, not because they worked hard to nourish it. And of course, I have also done this on a personal level (as I think many of us have). Years ago, I found myself feeling envious of someone else’s situation, not realizing they probably put in a lot of effort to get to where they are. They took the time to water their grass.
Or did they? Maybe not. The illusion of greener grass sometimes blinds us to the realities of others' lives. While someone's lifestyle may seem glamorous from the outside, appearances can be deceiving. Behind the facade of luxury cars, designer clothes, and exotic vacations, there very well could be a mountain of debt and financial strain.
The same is true for relationships, it's common to think circumstances are better elsewhere. We might see other couples looking happy and think they have it better. But we all know that every relationship has its ups and downs. Instead of always looking for something better, we can put effort into our own relationships. Communicating openly, being kind, and working through challenges together. By focusing on making our own grass green, we can find happiness and fulfillment in our relationship, no matter what it looks like from the outside.
Some go to great lengths to maintain a certain image, even if it means living beyond their means or staging the perfect love. So, before we yearn for someone else's life - consider the full picture. What seems like the epitamy of existence may actually be quite the balancing act, with the weight of debt and stressors. Things may not be as perfect as they seem so before leaping to greener scenes, it’s good to know that it could be the lens.
Another thing to remember is that everyone's grass grows differently. What makes one person happy might not work for someone else. We all have our own paths and challenges. Our goals are very likely different to someone else’s.
So where does the truth lie? Is the grass truly greener on the other side, or is it just an illusion? Perhaps the answer is in finding a balance between contentment and ambition. It's important to appreciate what we have while also striving for improvement and growth
Celebrate others' accomplishments, just like we would want them to celebrate ours. When we see someone else's grass looking especially green, we can cheer them on and congratulate them. But at the same time, we shouldn't let it make us feel bad about our own grass. We can remind ourselves of the things we're proud of and grateful for. By staying focused on our own journey and finding joy in our achievements, we can appreciate others without feeling jealous or dissatisfied.
It's pretty easy to focus on ourselves and set realistic goals. Just need to think of some things to improve then take one small step.
Of course, it may take more than a week to see the results -after all, this week, you're just "watering" it, but hopefully you will see progress in time.
Another line of thought is self-care and the butterfly effect. Not bubble baths and spa days though there is a time for those but rather how focusing on ourselves affects our perspective on how green our grass really is.
I sometimes think about how often I’ve pulled all nighters fueled by worry, researching every possible illness under the sun when the kiddos were sick and the guilty conscious whispering “you’re selfish” whenever considering taking a moment for myself. “There’s just no time “ – thinking the world would crumble if I wasn’t tending to every need.
And crumble it did – not the world but me. I started to get bags under my eyes, aches and pains set in and I was getting sick. I wasn’t thriving, I was just surviving. I would start to think how wonderful it would be to not have all the extra worries and responsibilities. Looking at other people's circumstances and thinking – their grass is greener – right??????
Then I realized – no. I had to focus on myself and my well-being. Self-care is not a luxury, it is a lifeline. So I did the unthinkable. I put myself first (and still I try to keep this goal whenever possible). The world didn’t implode then and it won’t now. As a matter of fact, the opposite. By carving out some quiet time or going for a walk, I was feeling better and it had a ripple effect.
The butterfly spread it’s wings. I had more energy. I was happier and that positivity translated to more patience, more creativity and more energy. AND……I wasn’t concerned about the grass because everything was just fine from where I was standing.
Happiness isn't really about having the greenest grass; it's about tending to our own with care. And by practising gratitude and self-care, we often find that our grass is greener than we originally thought.
There is no need for anything else.
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