I don’t usually reference or recommend a book however, I recently finished reading Mel Robbins' Let Them, and felt so inspired by the message that I just had to share it with you. This book is a game-changer, offering a refreshing take on control and how it impacts our lives.
Mel’s message is clear: focus on what you can control, and let go of the rest. By doing this, you actually regain more control over your own life. It’s about shifting your mindset and recognizing that you can’t manage everything outside of you—so why waste energy on it? Instead, focus on what’s truly in your hands.
Here’s a look at the core ideas that really resonated with me.
What’s Let Them All About?
The main idea of Let Them is surprisingly simple: the more you let people live their lives the way they want to, the better your own life will be. It sounds counterintuitive, right? Especially in a world where we’re all trying to fix or change things around us. But what if we just stopped? What if we allowed others to make their own choices, even if we disagree with them?
When we try to control others, we lose control over ourselves. It’s not easy, especially when our natural instinct is to step in and make things “right.” But in this book, we're encouraged to stop worrying about things beyond our control, and instead focus on the three things that are within our power.
The Three Things We Can Always Control
We Control What We Think
It’s easy to forget that we can choose our thoughts – it’s a powerful choice. We’re constantly bombarded with external influences, but the one thing that’s always ours to control is how we think about the world and interact with it. Our thoughts shape how we experience everything—from our relationships to our work life to the way we handle stress. We can choose how we interpret a situation, how we respond to others, and how we internalize external events. In moments of conflict, frustration, or challenge, we have the power to control our thoughts.
We can choose to look at challenges positively or constructively which steers us toward a more peaceful and productive mindset. This doesn’t mean we ignore the hard stuff and we can’t control what others think, but by changing the way we think about it, we’ll feel a lot more in control and that has a profound impact on our emotional and mental well-being.
"Let me live my life in a way that makes me proud." And that starts with thinking in a way that aligns with our values, not anyone else's opinions.
We Control What We Do (or Don’t Do)
Just like thoughts, we can’t control other people’s actions, but we can control our own. This is huge. Whether it’s in our relationships, our job, or day-to-day choices, we are the one in charge of our actions. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is nothing—whether that means stepping back from a situation, choosing not to engage in a pointless argument, or simply letting others do things their way. Doing nothing can be a powerful choice because it gives us space to think and respond from a place of calm.
We Control How We Respond to Our Feelings
We all have strong emotions—anger, fear, frustration—but they don’t have to control us. What we do with those feelings is where we have power. It’s natural to feel things, but it’s how we respond that matters. Whether we take a deep breath, walk away from a tough situation, or choose to act in alignment with our values, we’re in control of how we react. This is where our true power lies: in choosing not to let our emotions dictate our actions.
The Power of Letting Go
The more we try to control others, the more we actually give up control of our own lives. This was a big eye-opener for me. We spend so much energy trying to manage everything around us—whether it's how others behave, what they think of us, or what’s happening in the world—that we lose sight of what’s really important: our own thoughts, actions, and emotions.
By letting go of the need to control everything around us, we free ourselves to focus on what we can actually change. This doesn’t mean we stop caring about others, but it’s about realizing that we can’t control their choices. And that’s okay. When you let go of that pressure, you actually gain more peace and control over your own life.
One of my favorite quotes from the book really sums this up: "Let them think a negative thought. Let me live my life in a way that makes me proud. You don’t have space to think about what other people think when you’re proud of yourself, because you know the truth."
Stop Wasting Energy
Another key takeaway is realizing that what happens around us doesn’t have to happen to us. We often spend so much time worrying about things outside our control—what others are doing, what’s going wrong in the world, what people think about us. It’s exhausting. While it’s important to stay informed and engaged, we’re challenged to recognize the difference between what’s our responsibility and what’s not.
When we stop trying to control everything outside ourselves, we create space to focus on the things that actually do matter—our own thoughts, actions, and emotional responses. This shift in focus leads to a greater sense of peace and control.
The Freedom of Letting Go
Ultimately, the freedom in letting go is huge. By accepting that we can’t control everything, we open ourselves up to more control over the things that truly matter. "Let me make decisions that align with my values. Let me take risks because I want to. Let me follow the path my soul is turning me toward." When we let go of the need to manage others, we give ourselves the freedom to live our lives according to our own values.
In a world that often feels chaotic and out of our control, this is a refreshing reminder that the key to happiness isn’t in trying to fix everything around us. It’s in focusing on what we can control—our thoughts, our actions, and our responses—and letting go of the rest.
The final message……..
Let go of the need to control everything. Let others live their lives. And in turn, we’ll find that our own life transforms in ways we never expected.