The Answers We Keep Looking For

There’s something we don’t say out loud very often. Sometimes, we already know. We just don’t trust that we do. So, what do we do instead?

We ask. We Google. We call. We overthink. We sit on decisions for weeks, months, sometimes years. And if we’re being really honest? We already knew the answer before we asked the question. We just wanted someone else to say it first.

I remember a time not that long ago when I was stuck in that exact place. I had decisions sitting in front of me. Not small ones either - the kind that sit in your chest and follow you around all day. So, I did what most of us do. Reached out. Got opinions. Looked for guidance.

Because that’s what we’re told, right? Don’t rush. Get advice. Make informed decisions. All good things, in theory.

Except here’s the part no one really talks about: Sometimes all that input just drowns out what we already know. And sure enough, after all of it, after the conversations, the thinking, the circling, I did exactly what I had felt from the beginning. Nothing changed.

Except the time I lost doubting myself. And I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Especially now that May 5th has just passed. My oldest daughter’s birthday.

She’s in the thick of it right now with an almost three-year-old and a eight-month-old. Which, if you’ve ever lived that stage, you already know, it’s not for the faint of heart. One needs constant attention. The other needs constant… everything. Sleep is unpredictable. Meals are rushed. There’s always someone needing something right now. It’s that phase of life where no one really sleeps but somehow everyone is still alive and functioning. Barely. But functioning.

I remember those days. I remember the feeling of being needed every second. The mental checklist that never really shuts off. The way you make a hundred decisions before lunch and don’t even realize it.

So, when I watch her, it’s not about thinking she’s doing anything differently than I did. It’s about recognizing - she’s doing it. She’s showing up. She’s figuring it out. She’s making it work in her own way, in her own rhythm. And that deserves to be said out loud. Because we don’t always hear that enough when we’re in it.

The other day, I watched her juggling it all - one baby in her arms, the other asking for something at the exact same time and she just handled it. No pause, no overthinking, just instinct. And I thought, yes. That’s it right there. That’s what it looks like.

What stands out to me isn’t perfection. It’s the way she keeps going. The way she makes decisions all day long -without sitting down to overanalyze every single one. Because she can’t. That stage of life doesn’t leave room for that. You go with what makes sense in the moment. You adjust. You try again. And more often than not, it works.

And it brings me back to that bigger thought. Somewhere along the way, we start second-guessing ourselves more than we need to. We look outward instead of inward. We think someone else must know better. More qualified. More experienced. More… something. But no one is living your exact life. No one is in your home, your situation, your reality. So, while advice can be helpful, it shouldn’t replace what we already feel to be true.

I think about that now in my own life. Catching myself in those moments where I’m about to ask, search, or overthink - when deep down, I already have a sense of what needs to happen. Because if I’m being honest? Most of the time, I end up doing what I originally felt anyway. Rarely do I go in a completely different direction - unless there’s really strong reasoning behind it that makes me stop and reconsider. So, instead of immediately reaching outward, I’ve been trying to sit with it first. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it means owning the decision.

Because that’s really what it comes down to. Trusting ourselves means we also take responsibility for the outcome. No passing it off. No “well, they told me to.” Just us.

Watching my daughter in this season - busy, tired, stretched, and still showing up every day - it’s a reminder that we don’t need to have everything perfectly figured out. We just need to keep moving forward. One decision at a time.

So, as her birthday has just passed, I find myself thinking less about big milestones and more about this. She’s doing a good job. In the middle of the noise, the mess, the exhaustion, she’s doing a really good job.

And maybe we all need that reminder once in a while. Not that we need more answers. But that we can trust the ones we already have.

We spend so much time looking for answers out there when the ones that matter most have been sitting quietly within us all along.